Wish you were here.

Im sitting here listening to the cover of wish you were here, by fred durst and the guy from the goo goo dolls.
Its really really lovely. I have had it on repeat for ages now, the original is my favorite song. Im not feeling all to awesome, I dont know. It feels like something has changed with us. I don't know im scared more than anything.

Peoples attitudes have sucked the past few days, One of the guys here had a go at me for absolutly no reason, he apologised, but its not enough you know? I had an awful day yesterday i almost lost two of the most important things in the world. I was convinced i was gonna have to go back to hospital. My mum and murilo are the best people ever. They made it better. The last week has been the worst in a while. I dont feel myself. Im so so scared of losing things, i dont think people realise how much i need them. Last night if i hadn't had Mu in bed with me telling me everything is gonna be okay i dont know what i would have done, Im so lucky. I just wish i could tell people how much they mean to me, but i cant find the words. I dont think they even exist. Im sitting here so confused. Noone has done anything i just dont know what to do with myself. Im scared of my thoughts and the way my mind is carrying on. Im tired. Theres so much i want to say, but im just not bothered right now. Actions speak louder than words, Definatly.
Lets just seem what happends.

Love you.

Weekend.

Was delish and lovely.
Saturday was chill, Sunday was rad, we went to the aquarium. My favorite place in the world. We were going to go to the zoo but it was closed. Secretly I was super excited to go to Bray. Fuck the zoo.
We got super super baked on the way to Bray in the car.
Anyways we got there and all that, sadly i ruined everyones pictures because i was toooooooo high. Me and Dearbhla got into that kiddies ball pit at the end and had the time of our lives. After we left we went for a walk on the beach and went to the shittest posh chipper ever and i had a fight with the manager because he forgot half our food. NEVER AGAIN.Then we drove home and got drunk and had great chats.
I got home about two hours ago and i was in my room smoking the pipe and my little bro came in and started smoking with me, then my dad, then my mum.
Haha:)

Crazy

Yesterday was act ually horrible.HORRIBLE.
I dont even want to go into details.
Gross gross gross.
But its nice to have everything out in the open, especially when it doesnt effect peoples perception of me. Its rad to be loved.Haha.

Today was nice, just chilled around town, then met Mu after work. He was very angryyyyy.
But now everything is fine. Im real sad because i dont have any sleepers for tonight, which means i gotta get super high before sleep.
No work tomorrow is lovely.
piss
BYE

Today was the best day of my life.

Not really but it was super exciting because Mu bought a huge Hookah and we just sat around smoking apple tabacco all day. You should have seen how happy i was.

Were going to collect Victor from the airport soon. Everyone just got tonnes of weed and there all so stoked. Its really quite endearing.

Last night was to LOL. I got into a stupid fight with some horrid little girl, Its okay because i won, Defo.

It was all really childish but when she said a certain thing i flipped. Like complete rage blackout. It was not cool or rad.

A day to remember were great though, i was super excited to see them and they almost completly let me down by not playing the plot to bomb the panhandle. Andy and i were almost really sad. But then it was all okay.

Somehow i got bold lavander and camomile washing powder in my eyes while washing clothes. I really dont know how it happened, But its so sad. My eyes are all red and crying. But im sure they smell nice....Em.

Im really looking forward to the summer. Im pretty adament on moving away. Last night really was an eye opener on how shit this city and people are. Whatever like, Im so over it all.

My mum fixed my shit vans too, They dont hurt my feet anymore which is pretty rad.

Thats how exciting my life is.

Also on my sleeping trip i pulled out the implant in my arm with a tweezers and dont remember anything. I just woke up with blood all over my arm, it was delish.

The last few days have been hard, Im tired and cant wait to sleep. Now sadly im listening to 50cent,WHAT UP GODDD.

Too good.

Yes, i wrote two blogs today.

Piss.
I totally forgot to have the laugh about my sleeping pattern.
For the past two weeks i have been on really heavy sleeping tablets. Im the scarest person ever.
I take them and ten minutes later i can`t walk and have to be helped to bed. Its actually too funny i sleep talk and have really vivid dreams and actually have full converstaions with awake people. Im nuts.
I sat up in bed and started asking Murilo who he was and where the fuck am I. I got up and tripped over the washing line. I also took out my nose piercing leading to a lovely infection, But i remember nothing.NOTHING.
This morning i was unconciously telling him to leave me alone and go to work. I keep having to be put back to bed because im sleepwalking.
I should have one of those lead things the put on kids when they try escape. I clearly have one buried deep in my childhood stuff.
Ill call my Mum tomorrow and ask her to find it for me.
My safety is seriously at risk.
Haha

Letting the team down.

Im tired.
People are shit, seriously. I can´t believe the way some people carry on.
Its not going to matter all too much this time next year, because i wont be here i will be somewhere delish and sunny with amazing people.
Well some anyway.
I´m starting to see fault in my behaviour, I cant let go of the past.
I dont know whey i find it so hard but its holding me back so so much.

I went back to hospital on friday night. For anyone who knows me they know they´ll know what im talking about.
It was super hard seeing those girls again. I dont think anybody has any idea what

went on fully. Its not something i like talking about but i think its such a issue these days with so many people it should be talked about more.
But im not ready just yet.
For now love is whats keeping me going.
I´m finally able to feel how lucky i am.
LOVE YOUUUUU
:)

Sei La.

Alright lads..

Im so happy!

The last few days have been unreal, Yesterday i brought my goddaughter, Charlie to town. I should never have kids, i lost her about 4 times and that was only in MacDonalds. She was super stoked and i bought her loads of new clothes and a happy meal, Because i was feeling generous. Sitting at the table in MacDonalds we were chatting away and some fatty walked by, i didnt know 4 year olds could be so harsh. ´KATIE THAT LADY IS FAT, MORE FAT THAN MY MUMMY´. Fuck that like. Shes going through the i dont want to wear girls clothes phase So it was clearly the hardest thing to buy for her ever, im scared shes turning emo. She loves hello kitty.NO THANKS. After my dutys I met Mu after work and he bought me loads of stuff, Fuck vans, there hurting my feet so bad. I think i may die. Today, Murilo and I went to the bodies ehxibition in The Ambassador. Hello Gross.

I was super freaked out going in, but it was actually okay. Not that seeing dead chinese people is my thing , but whatever.

My mum loved it, WEIRD BITCH. It was not nice seeing the smokers lungs, it made me wanna stop.

They had a super big box that people had thrown their fags in after seeing the absolute delishness of black lungs. I could only think about how many lovely smokes were wasted.

After we went for something to eat and got the best bree i have ever tasted.

But this is all totally irrelevent to anything.

Anyways, Fights are stupid im going to bed.

osso says:
you are very cool