Insane

It is official.
I have gone insane again. Im sittin here bymyself, like i have to do everyday trying to figure out ways to get us home.
You fucking hypocrites. Dont sit there and pass remarks when you have obvs done the same thing around. Your in no place to judge me.
Im sick off this bullshit and the fact i had to leave my country because of the abuse i was getting. I would understand if it was maybe a year ago, but it wasnt we all do stupid ass things when were young. I hope the people responsable feel like they have achieved something in ruining my life. So pathetic.
What makes it worse is that my little brother wont get the bus to school anymore because hes scared what the guys will say or do to him. All his friends have seen it. Its starting to affect my family. And thats not something im gonna let happen. Whatever about me i dont care, say what you want about me, but when it comes to my family, they dont deserve to suffer because of a mistake i made 3 years ago.
So please, grow up and stop talking about it. Its old news.
And karmas a fucking bitch.

Shocking.

We just finished watching the ruins.
At first i thought it was gonna be awesome. But it was not awesome, or rad, or even cool.
Today was okay, sat around did nothing, as usual ate delish food and watched movies. And didnt wake up till 4.
Now im playing some game called Granny in paradise, my life couldnt be better.
Looks like we heading home in late july, im hopefully starting my course in September, which means i will be living in Bundoran for 4 days per week training as a life guard and surf instructer, gnarly.
Of course sleepy boyfriend will be there too, making music and dollaz.
Its so weird the amount of places i have lived, and im still only a baba.
Cork, Clare, Mayo, Dublin, Brazil and now Donegal.
At least i will be in ireland, but out of dublin, and doing something i love.
Tomorrow should be lovely nd wonderful, were going to the cinema.
Im hungry wah wah wah wah

Prozac.

Delish.
I was just thinking about when i was in hospital.
And all the shit thats gone on the past few years. John of gods is definatly not a place you want to end up.
Just thinking back to this time two years ago makes me shudder.
I was a mess, things have only started getting back on track in the past 10 months, and i think i have my wonderful boyfriend to thank for that. To an extent anyway. To call him something so meaningless as my boyfriend is an insult.
Over the past 10 months he has been everything to me, my brother, my best friend, my shouder to cry on, my person to shout at and now, my family.
He´s sleeping now, i cant because i slept all day. We went for dinner and then came home got into bed and watched life is beautiful and the ruins. Which i really enjoyed, i have a strange obsession with Mayan culture.
Last night we watched premonition and carandiru, a sick movie about a brazilian prison. Another weird obsession of mine.
Prisons.
Everything to do with prisons.
The gangs, the culture, the storys, the police.
I love love love it.
When i was in Ireland i couldnt get enough of those prison documentarys that were always on.
Locked up, Lockdown, Behind bars, Women behind bars, there all just to delish.
Its my dream to be a prison warden or work with the police, Actually speaking of which.


The police here are complete dicks. The force is so fucked there has to be other police to keep the police in order. The majority of the military police are corrupt. Planting drugs in innocent cars then demanding bribes, then confiscating the drugs and snorting and smoking it in broad daylight. No thanks.
The all have guns and just shoot anyone and everyone. Drug trafficing is a huge problem and you cant trust anyone in this country.
So fucked up that i cant walk down the street at night without being mugged or raped or worse. I cant even talk in english in public because if some guys find out im not brazilian im fucked.

I want to come home, but im scared. After all the shit thats been going down over the past few months im scared to show my face in that fucking country again.
I miss my family something hateful.I wish i could just sit and chat with my mum right now. Were thinking of coming home in september, im going to do an outdoor education instructer course, to teach people how to surf and skate an all that shit.
I love all that outdoor stuff. Its really something that i wanna do.
Fuck college.

Now i 100% cant go to bed, there aint no space.
He´s taking up all the bed, all 6´2 of him. Bastard.
Haha its too funny. Hes on this muscle building diet. Hes not eating any carbs.
Dinner was so funny i had loads of delsih rice and chips and a nice cold brahma.
And all he could eat is salad and lean meat.
Poor baby. I think were going to the gym tomorrow. Im going to school him as usual:) Before that though im gonna go relax by the pool and work on my tan while he´s at work.

My life is too delsih.
Thank you prozac

Hate.

Some peoples attitude.
So apperently this is my blog full of lies and bullshit, funny that people think i would waste my time to write loads of shit that NO-ONE reads and NO-ONE cares.
I didnt ask for anyones opinion. If you have shit to say, dont bother reading and making up your own assumptions.
I write this for myself, noone else.
This isnt a diary, its something for me to remember and look back on when i want.
Keep your shit to yourself, i dont care anymore.
Why should i?Im on the otherside of the world having the time of my life, when your resenting everyday you spend in that fucking city.
Its killing you, and you dont have the courage to get away, your stuck in your crap life.
And ill just stand back and laugh as it slowly eats away at your peace of mind.